10
Jan
I have many origins and many assumptions entangled with my feathers. During my countless life spans, I have heard more whispers than tales about me. As if being majestic and solar is somehow deemed dangerous and to be steered clear of. They all know the color of my plumage – purple, orange, yellow, perhaps blue, perhaps red. Alas, no one dares to know the color of my eyes, they just suppose it – firefly yellow, sapphire blue, maybe black as night.
No one has ever stopped trembling enough around me to listen to my story. Or, even if they did try to listen, they would not hear a sound against the noise of their bones smashing against each other. But here, it is quiet and it is peaceful. I can finally speak freely. During these centuries I have been around, I have gathered enough knowledge to put all overripe minds of scholars at rest.
Unfortunately, it is not my duty, nor my will to do so. Each one of us has to figure out their individual piece of knowledge to call heaven or even home. What I want to share with you all, wise ones, is the last lesson I have learned before deciding to be free. I will begin with the end, for there is no need to keep you in suspense.
The moment you are reborn, it is still you and only you, there is nothing novel about it.
My apologies, I chose this path in order to not confuse you, but I fear I have done exactly that. For mortals, it is not such a discussed phenomenon, rebirth. Nonetheless, I want you to imagine its nature a more metaphorical one. When someone tends to break down, to shatter, to collapse, they believe everything has fractured along with them. For the sake of clarity, I am certainly not talking about other mellower (yet still significant for one’s journey) instances, such as stumbling, miscalculating or bending. Bending implies that one’s original stature may be regained any moment, wilting indicates an entire source of life force being exhausted.
Letting go of the belief that, if I dare to soften my guard, they will ridicule and devour me whole.
Whenever I choose (I see it as a pact I made with myself before I have even arrived on this Earth) to crumble and succumb to the natural rhythm of life, it looks quite frightening from the outside. Nonetheless, it feels rather cathartic. As if I was letting go of all the silly things that make me believe I have to continue even when I am exhausted. Letting go of the belief that, if I dare to soften my guard, they will ridicule and devour me whole.
I do tend to turn to ashes, I am completely aware of that. What people seem to wish to ignore though, is that they are my ashes. All I am is still there, be it rearranged differently. I do believe this is the fundamental reason they see me as royalty: when I rise again, I am not ashamed of my bursting into flames. I do not feel guilt, for choosing to let go of something that hurt and starting anew. I am simply me, in a more recovered and refreshed form. And always wiser, always further evolved.
I must confess....
…there is one aspect I need in order to perform this ritual in a peaceful state of mind. Always, when I feel the time has come, I prepare somewhat of a nest. Usually, I am fond of settings that are located near the sun, such as atop of a tall palm tree or on a high cliff. Alternatively, I will look for a more hidden place that I personally consider sacred. Once the safe, solitary and elevated spot is found, I will gather the needed elements. If I have understood correctly, humans do love a good listing, so I will try to adjust my format accordingly:
For a deliberate and peaceful bursting into flames, one would require:
Myrrh – for acceptance and letting go
Frankincense – for connection and clarity
Cinnamon – for passion and life force
Spikenard – for release and surrender
Cassia – for protection and preservation
Rare resins and fragrant woods – for continuity and strength
As you probably already know, my sweet mortal one, transitions are purely personal. We do it alone so at least we should be allowed to do it in a way that suits our spirit. All these elements smell like home and comfort to me, they give me a reason to let go, as I know I will be guided by them and return even closer to the version I am supposed to be. What is special to you? What would ignite these sentiments inside of your heart? If you could choose your nest during your metamorphosis, what would it look like?
The one thing I will not discuss is the actual way I embody the pure flames of this World. Not because it signifies such a marvelous secret, it is merely because I do not want you to think there is only one way to be reborn. Some scholars insist I wait for the sun to set me on fire, others believe I sing a little song as the beginning of my journey into myself. And maybe I do. Or maybe I fall asleep, maybe I scream in despair or laugh in eternal delight.
The aspect that is most important for you to take home with your gentle self is that no way is wrong. Whether it is chaotic or silent or sudden. Sometimes, these events happen so at once, you have absolutely no time to prepare. Well, that is perfectly alright. In the end, the situation will unfold in your chosen and sacred way. Please, never forget that your wishes and little gestures matter and dictate how travels are shaped.
It is a glory, not a defeat
At the end, never be ashamed of turning to ashes. It is a glory, not a defeat. They praise me for this act and write thousands of sonnets praising me, without realizing that the majority of you perform this ritual every day – without even perceiving it. Perhaps, I do it in a more dramatic or eccentric fashion, this is who I am. And I know this so much more clearly now after exploring many versions of myself and letting them go. Embracing new ones, getting to know them, not feeling guilty if they are still not right for me.
When you stand up again after a substantial collapse, it is you who performs this incredible action and no one else. You always tend to forget that and only focus on the failure, the murmurs and the future. Right after you just pushed aside the heaviest stone there is, namely your own doubts and hopelessness.
Indeed, I do look somewhat different when I awake. But that is on the outside. Maybe I seem more frail or helpless. Do not let yourself be fooled by this insignificant aspect. Inside, I hold more knowledge and comprehension than the almighty bird I was embodying before. My figure will receive nourishment and time, it will eventually regain its greatness. That is not a concern of mine. Probably I am too busy being in awe of how, once again, I have shown myself that the ending is merely a concealed beginning. Challenges, just celebrations waiting to happen.
Go on now, friend. Run, if you feel you must. Never fear falling and never believe that someone else is picking you up from the ground. Maybe it is indeed you, in physical form, or all the noble gestures you have gifted others. Perchance, it is you from another reality, you from an unknown body. It is you, it has always been you.
Kurtiboo
A very dear friend of mine once said that January isn’t the month of starting anew, to hustle, to instantly become a better version of yourself. It is the month of hibernation, the month to let yourself breathe and to just be. Ruby, despite her reputation, strength, and glory, is the embodiment of exactly this (which I’m definitely sure is the reason why she decided to star in this month’s special). A powerful being, who knows when to just breathe, when to prepare for something more than just biting the bullet. She is the symbol of rebirth and transformation, a phoenix, but she knows that this doesn’t come from being constantly on the go. She knows that a break is sometimes what we need for it to come. Thank you, Ruby, for coming to remind us of this!<3
The Cozy Sisters
We totally agree! We could all use some tips from Ruby. Peaceful January, dear❄️
Kurtiboo
Thank youuu! You too!:3